lucifer-is-a-bag-of-dicks:

bathtimefunduck:

literallycait:

mysral:

deluxeloy:

lucifer-is-a-bag-of-dicks:

sepulchritude:

lucifer-is-a-bag-of-dicks:

concept: woman makes deal with demon to have it’s child in exchange for eternal life or some shit

woman then makes deal with witch and offers her first born for like, riches or something

woman dumps demon baby on witch, absconds with her winnings and leaves witch and demon fighting for custody

half demon baby grows up learning magic and visiting hell on weekends and every second christmas

does the woman act as a sort of vodka aunt who shows up sometimes to teach the child how to work the system?

“here you go timmy, have a new xbox. this year I’m going to teach you the ins and outs of magical tax evasion”

SHE DOES NOW

@mysral

Imagine the clusterfuck that would ensue were the minions of the Faerie King to kidnap this child, unaware of his… family situation… and replace him with a changeling.

Cue a Lord of Hell, a Witch of the Wilds and an immortal, supremely wealthy arch-trickster showing up at the King’s palace, each of them rather miffed.

Of course, when that all clears up, the kid’s got himself a new playmate and an eccentric, wealthy uncle.

Someone please write this manuscript and send me a query IMMEDIATELY

I’m thinking a practical magic sort of way- eternal youth as long as she stays in the spotlight, riches in the form of tax evasion

Here is my introductory paragraph of novel one, which will be the story of the mom: At 14 years of age, Bella Chandler realized she never wanted to grow up and get married. Adults were ridiculous, honestly. After all, her mother had named her after some bland character in a movie about La Croix® vampires. Her father was just as bad; Tiffanny was wife number three, and a year ago had been Bella’s babysitter.

this is the story of a bitter gen Z, who asked for everything Millennials were promised in exchange for something she never wanted: a child. Watch as she dupes the neighborhood lesbian witch and a demon posing as an acting scout, only to follow through with the letter of the law a few years later. The demon’s name will be Lucy and get very angry when the witch she shares custody with calls her Lucifer.  

Most of this is a joke, but I think I found my nanowrimo.

you have my blessing, pls link me if you write it