Myth: Only (cis) women produce oxytocin, and only in relation to sex, therefore casual sex is mentally harmful and/or makes women crueler.
Truth: All humans have this hormone, it is a bonding agent but it is produced by all bonding activities – sex, hugs, kisses, touching each other, talking to each other, taking care of kids or pets, high fives, using social media, grooming activities, etc.
Myth: Orgasm is consent.
Truth: The body will respond to stimuli whether you actually want it to or not. Orgasm can happen even if you don’t want it to, even if you’re in pain, and even if you don’t feel it.
Myth: Circumcision and any other genital cutting is harmless, helps prevents STIs, prevents cancer, prevents bullying, etc.
Truth: All genital skin is an erogenous zone. Cosmetic cutting removes healthy tissue full of sensitive nerves, so you already causing a major change to the area and how it feels things.
STI risk reduction hasn’t really been fully studied, and in any case, doesn’t justify nonconsensual, non-medically necessary removal of an organ. A common argument is that we don’t remove breast buds of children, despite breast cancer affecting significantly more people.
The prepuce has a purpose, and is there for a reason. The labia has a purpose, and is there for a reason. The clitoris has a purpose, and is there for a reason.
And some people have ambiguous genitalia because we are blank slates in the womb whose sexual organs come from the same juvenile developmental structures, and that’s just a natural part of diversity, and unless they are causing pain, making it difficult to bleed or pee, or otherwise causing an actual medical emergency, ambiguous genitalia does not require “correction”.
Children can and have died because of genital cutting. It can go wrong, horribly wrong, and it can have detrimental psychological effect, which can and has lead to suicide.
I… just don’t know what to tell people who think that their children should undergo nonconsensual, potentially fatal surgery to satisfy social pressures and to prevent bullying. The idea that you should permanently alter your child instead of defending their right to exist as they are is something I’ll never understand. The idea that a victim should change instead of the aggressor is something outside the realm of rational thought.
Myth: Phimosis is a medical condition that must be treated with circumcision.
Truth: Phimosis can no be diagnosed pre-puberty, because the foreskin is supposed to be fused to the penis at this age. During puberty, the fusion breaks down.
Phimosis can happen without causing problems, but if an adult can not retract their foreskin and it causes pain, there are non-surgical means of correction (creams, stretching exercises, patience), or a dorsal slit can be used to allow retraction, which is far less invasive than a total removal of the foreskin.
Myth: Sexually active people with vaginas will have longer labia, asymmetrical labia, darker labia, etc
Truth: Labia is as unique as a finger print, and comes in a huge variety.
During puberty and post-puberty, it changes. It may also change because of the childbirth. These are the only times it changes. No amount of sex, nor lack of, will influence the shape, colour, and size of your labia.
Myth: Everything feels good to everyone.
Truth: Everyone has their own preferences, some things hurt some people, some things disinterest some people, some people just don’t like sex at all.
If something feels good to your friend, but you don’t like it, that’s called diversity, not a problem with you or with them.
Myth: Children are innocent and pure and thus any sexual expressions or actions is an incredibly bad thing.
Truth: Sexuality isn’t guilty or dirty, and children’s “sexuality” doesn’t stain them.
Like I said above, bodies respond to stimuli. Some children will realize this and masturbate, or touch each other curiously. This is still innocent and pure, because they are just children exploring their own bodies and finding out how things work, NOT displaying promiscuity.
Children do not understand everything that comes with sexuality. They only understand how their bodies respond. That’s why they can’t consent to adults, but may still experiment with themselves or with each other.
Which isn’t to say that child on child sexual abuse doesn’t happen – it does. It often has to do with the aggressive child already having experienced abuse at the hands of older children or adults, and “passing it on”.
But some children do understand they are hurting someone else, and do it on purpose… this still has a lot to do with how they are raised; if an adult encourages abusive behaviour, or they notice they can get more for being abusive, they will do it gladly. A good example is that video of the toddler boy, who keeps putting his hands on a toddler girl, chases her, forces himself on her, and the adults laugh as she runs, tells him no, pushes him away. This child is learning that his behaviour is acceptable and he can just make girls give him what he wants, and it doesn’t matter what they think, and he can use this to manipulate adults and hide victims. He is learning that hurting someone on purpose will propel him.
And that also isn’t to say that you should accept all sexual behaviour from children. Children who seem significantly preoccupied with masturbation or trying to touch other children are likely victims of sexual abuse. There is a line between curiosity and obsession and compulsion, and this is usually one of the first signs of child sexual abuse to present itself.
Also, attacking young children for innocent curiosity will teach them sexuality and their body are absolutely bad, unforgivable, dirty, wrong, to be ashamed of, to hide, etc. It will lead to poor self image, poor body image, self hate, and vulnerability to abuse – especially sexual abuse.
Myth: Your genitals are dirty, they need soap, you need to buy all these products to fix it, you need to douche, etc.
Truth: Your genitals are self cleaning. Production of smegma and vaginal discharge are a result of their cleaning – rinse this away. Otherwise, you should not need to do anything else but making sure to gently rinse or wipe with a cloth, and hot water.
Gentle, non-fragrance soap may be used occasionally, but do not insert it anywhere. However you are best off not using any soap.
During our periods, we can be a bit harder to clean – be more attentive. Soap may be more important here, but still be careful, because your pH is being a little off due to this cycle, so you don’t want to subject yourself to an infection by accident.
You are not supposed to smell like flowers or fruits or anything. You shouldn’t smell outright bad. Your genitals have a natural odour that should not be bad, in the same way your pet’s breath isn’t going to be roses, but still shouldn’t be offensive.
Lots of people actually like the smell of your musk. Don’t cover it. It’s there for a reason. It’s used to gauge your health, your sexual maturity, and your readiness for activity.
The difference comes with transgender bottom surgery, because this can “mess up” some of our natural processes, and thus you may be required to do a little more to help yourself out. For example, neovaginas may need to be douched, because they can not self clean the same way as other vaginas.
Myth: Sterilization is always 100% effective.
Truth: Tubal ligations and vasectomies, and sterilization implants, have failure rates, and may “undo” themselves (ie your tissue regrows). The only 100% effective method of birth control is organ removal.
Myth: Abstinence is 100% effective.
Truth: The failure rate of birth control methods is often determined by improper practice, such as forgetting a pill, forgetting a shot, using a condom wrong, etc.
Abstinence thus has a failure rate, measured by the amount of people who do not stick to it strictly, or engage in some sexual acts that they do not realize come with pregnancy risk. And… it’s a pretty high failure rate.
Myth: Miscarriage is rare and is usually caused by the person being careless.
Truth: Miscarriage and pregnancy loss in general is incredibly common, to the point that most pregnancies end without us even realizing we were pregnant. The body fights hard to prevent pregnancy, to only allow the best of progeny to make it. That doesn’t make pregnancy uncommon, but it does mean miscarriage is very routine.
Some miscarriages are obviously caused by something the person did. But most of the time, when we do notice a miscarriage, we don’t have an obvious answer for what caused it, and sometimes, nothing caused it – it was natural selection.
We have lots of theories about what pregnant people can and can’t do. In fact, we have an almost endless list of dos and don’ts. But to be honest, most of them haven’t been studied extensively, and it’s typically impossible to definitively know exactly what went wrong and when, and trying to blame a person for their miscarriage is cruel and often an exercise of oppression.
Myth: You can tell a person’s a virgin by examining their hymen. The hymen is broken by having sex.
Truth: The hymen is a thin, flowy ring of flesh just inside your vagina, is present your entire life, and, like your labia, is also as unique as a fingerprint. There is no way to tell someone has had sex by examining their hymen, because there is no singular way a hymen appears.
Pain and bleeding are not “supposed” to happen upon first sex. That is a sign something is being done wrong. And there’s no way to tell for sure whether it’s your hymen that hurts, or if it’s a tear deeper into your vaginal canal.
Solid hymens do exist, but they are problematic; if your hymen is not properly “open”, you struggle to have your period; your period blood and debris can not properly exit your body, and it puts your health at risk. Some people do have this happen, and minor surgical correction is usually all that is needed.
Myth: Women don’t like sex as much as men.
Truth: Society’s idea of how women think about sex has shifted a lot. It wasn’t long ago that women were considered evil temptresses first and foremost, constantly lusting after sex, turning good men into sinners, and needing to be under constant surveillance.
What’s actually true is that women’s sexuality has been shunned, ignored, and lied about for a long time. We think women are supposed to be in pain when they have sex. We think women are dirty if they desire sex. We think women can’t even have orgasms. We think women only want to have children. It goes on…
Rather than it being a course of natural biology, women’s reported feelings on sex are actually a matter of social pressures and stigmas. And of course, the same is true of men. It’s not a matter of women or men (or anyone else) naturally leaning one way or the other, but rather how a society allows sexuality to be expressed.
– mod BP
What are some myths in human sexuality?
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