Barry and lup documentary-ing everyone. Lucritia. Magnus. Merle. Davenpo- MERLE STOP TRYING TO SEDUCE THE PLANT.

lup: tonight, dear viewers, is a very special night.

barry: indeed it is. it’s not every day the ipre is honored for its undeniable contributions to saving all worlds as we know them—well, it kinda is. we’re kind of a big deal.

lup: damn right we are.

barry: anyway, that’s why we’re currently coming to you live from one of neverwinter’s most exclusive galas.

lup: in case any of you were wondering why doctor bluejeans and i look so ridiculously sexy, there you go.

barry: anyway, we’re here tonight observing our fellow saviors’ attempts to be dignified. my colleague and beautiful wife here has taken to calling it the FASF—

lup: the fancy as fuck factor.

barry: of course. but appearances can be deceiving. taako, for instance, has an incredibly high visual FASF. look at that gown. if looks could kill, we would most certainly be liches right now.

lup: but the DOD—oh, that’s the degree of dorkdom—the DOD is way too high. especially next to his husband. 

barry: unquestionably. y’know who’s really, truly fascinating to me, though? lucretia.

lup: oh, lucretia. viewers, if ever there was a paradox in human form. she’s the picture of regality, and i think i just saw her put five slices of mango in her purse.

barry: we just don’t know what to make of her.

lup: magnus, on the other hand, is almost too easy. a sleeveless tuxedo? i say this with only the truest scientific objectivity at heart, but mr. burnsides… ya basic.

barry: see, you’d think cap’n’port would have the highest FASF factor, and you’d be right. but that’s not saying much. y’know, my fellow scientist, i actually haven’t seen him in awhile.

lup: yeah, he’s drag racing battlewagons with a couple donors in the garden.

barry: uh—

lup: but you didn’t hear that from me. oh! here comes our fifth subject!

barry: i feel like merle should get a higher FASF just for the ingenuity of the tuxedo sleeves.

lup: you’re giving him too much credit. viewers, as you can see, we’re currently crouched behind a large decorative plant, and our hiding place may have just been compromised.

barry: we’ll have to wait and—what is he saying? is he talking to us?

lup: shh!

barry: he’s… oh god.

lup: oh god.

barry: [unintelligible]

lup: we have to get out of here. abort mission. abort. fucking. mission.

barry: dearest viewers, if this is the last you hear of us, just know we died doing what we loved—embarrassing our family for the sake of science.

lup: come on already!

[the camera fumbles and drops to the ground]

lup: [in the distance] NO FANTASY NOBEL PRIZE IS WORTH THAT!